The Philippines

San Juan, La Union

February 9 - March 16, 2025

The tale of two unexpected love stories: a time when a little too much happened, when my heart hurt a little too much. But also a time filled with memories and feelings I can look back on with gratitude.

San Juan was a truly interesting time. So much happened in those 5 weeks, and so much of which was unexpected. The first of the unexpected, was ending up in San Juan in the first place. I had come from Taiwan, and though I had always planned to go to the Philippines next, I had planned to land in Siargao directly to make it home for a while, while I figured out my life. But instead, I ended up finding the perfect place to do this while still in Taiwan, and it was here, that I unexpectedly met a guy. And it was because of this guy, that we ended up somewhat spontaneously coming to the Philippines together, to San Juan.

It was completely unexpected because at the time, I had really not been trying to meet a guy. I was in fact trying to settle down for a while to process a 4 month travel relationship that had just ended - kind of the opposite of trying to meet a guy. But in the end, I guess you can’t help who you meet and when.

And so with this guy I had met in Taiwan just a few days after breaking up with my last ex, we stayed as good friends for the month we were living in the same town, and then ended up deciding to come to the Philippines together. I was coming anyway, he wanted to take a few weeks break from living in this small town of Taiwan, and he figured, why not the Philippines?

Deep down I knew it was too soon for me to be with someone again, yet my heart still called at me for going with him. I was at a crossroads between doing what I knew was better for me, and doing what my heart was calling for. I made the same (wrong) decision as always, and followed my heart. I came to the Philippines with the guy, and decided to just enjoy the time for what it was.

While we had gotten to know each other pretty deeply as friends Taiwan, it turned out that travel and day-to-day life didn’t work out so well together. He liked to be busy and constantly fill his day with things, and I liked to take things more chill and leave time to just be. And it felt to me like the way he filled his time, was more a distraction from just sitting and being with his feelings, opposite to how I like to function.

While our time started out nicely together, after a couple weeks, he told me simply that our differences were too great and that he just didn’t like me anymore. To be honest, it was a huge ouch and big rejection to me. We ended up calling it after a couple weeks, and still had to spend one week together before he left back for Taiwan. It was a rough week for me. I couldn’t say that I didn’t want to spend the last week together because I had liked him so much, even though I knew how painful it was to keep spending time together after that. Eventually, he left, and I felt this deep sadness. And a lot of emptiness.

Enter the unexpected love story part two.

As I was still grieving this relationship while also trying to enjoy my time in La Union as much as possible, I met another guy, completely unexpectedly, two days later.

A small group of us had gone out dancing one night, and one of them had brought a friend. It was with this friend that I had my next thing with. The night that we met was an interesting one for me. It was fun as hell and our vibes were great, but it was also the first time in my life that I decided to go for a rebound to cover up hard feelings, rather than processing them. I distinctly remember being on the dance floor knowing that this guy was interested in me and knowing that it was too soon for me. But in the end, I decided fuck it. Why not just indulge in some attention and affection from this sweet guy that actually wants to give it to me. Rebounds aren’t something I usually think are right, but in this case, it definitely helped me and led to some great new memories.

I really had the best week with this guy after that. He’s half Filipino half Swiss, and was staying with the Filipino side of his family there. I joined his family for so many local things. We watched his cousin’s basketball games, ate amazing traditional Filipino food that his family cooked for me, cracked up so hard while throwing down San Mig Lights in the backyard with his family, and partied the night away at our favorite spot, the Tree House. It was truly a unique and amazing time when I got to experience local life, not just as a stranger who gets invited in, but more like part of the family. It’s a time that I look back on as so special in this Philippines part of my trip.

In addition to time with his family being so special, it was also such a lovely time with him. He was so sweet and affectionate with me, and everything with him just felt so good and easy and natural that first week. For maybe the first time ever, I felt like someone matched or even exceeded all of my physical touch needs, and I could just fully relax into it and not have to think about it at all.

I wasn’t looking for a rebound, but he really was the perfect inadvertent rebound. A week later, I found myself not even thinking about the first guy anymore, despite how hurt I had felt at the time. And knowing that my time with this guy would end soon, I tried not to get too attached and tried keep myself at an emotional arm’s length. After enough time with anyone that you like though, it’s hard not to catch any feelings, and in the end, I did feel a little hurt again.

While the time with this guy was filled with many mixed emotions, I look back on it with a lot of fondness and gratitude. So much gratitude that I was able to experience true local life with him and his family, and gratitude for all of his sweetness and affection.

Aside from the guys, my time in La Union was also really great. I met so many interesting, good people while traveling there, both foreigners and Filipinos. I got into a good routine of working at the same coffeeshop everyday, and then catching sunsets, dinner, and drinks with friends afterwards. I became better and better friends with the locals and felt like I was becoming a part of the local community there. And I made a genuinely good and close friend, Emily, which is really such a difference maker when traveling.

I got comfy in my life in La Union, and honestly got a little lazy to leave. I was sad to leave the relatively consistent life I had finally created there, but I knew I didn’t love it enough to stay long-term. And so I said I would just stay until whenever I felt ready to leave. For a little while, that feeling never came and I kept pushing my leave back another day and another day. But eventually the day came. I felt ready and booked a flight for the next day.

La Union was truly an interesting time. It was a time when so much happened. A time when I really got to experience a lot. A time filled with a lot of sadness, where I grappled with a lot of tough moments, but also a time that left me with a lot of memories I’m really grateful for, and people in my life I’m really happy to have met. It was a time filled with so much, but a time I look back on with a lot of fondness and appreciation.

Palawan

March 17 - April 4, 2025

A difficult time where I felt lost with what I was doing with traveling, hurt from the emotional tolls of recent breakups, and where I finally gave myself time to just focus on myself, enjoy time with friends, and heal.

Palawan was the time for myself that I had really been needing. It was a time when I realized how simply exhausted I had become from everything. Emotionally exhausted from the ups and downs of the heartaches. Realizing I wasn’t sure if I was really happy traveling anymore. And for the first time that I can really remember, feeling a little lost and directionless, unsure about my purpose anymore.

I had a closed heart and a heaviness in my chest. I felt unsettled, unable to fully relax, and not like myself. I didn’t feel like that girl that had this openness towards life and people anymore, that romanticized this ideal type of love, that was ready to embrace anything and everything that came her way. I felt closed. I felt like I had experienced so much hurt after hurt, that I didn’t have the capacity to love or to be open anymore. I had known for a long time that I had needed to take time for myself, to process and to heal. And this time, I had finally reached that limit and forced myself to take that break.

And so I took a very intentional break from life in Palawan. A break from from anything that gave me any additional stress. I set an intentional month where I wouldn’t have anything with any guy, and would remove stressors from my life as much as possible. I needed to give myself the much needed time to process, heal, and start from an emotional clean slate again.

Alimanguan, the small town where I started to find my peace again

I went to Alimanguan, a tiny town within San Vicente on the West Coast of Palawan. When I first arrived to find that there were almost no other travelers in town, my first reaction was perhaps this was a little too much isolation for me. I wanted somewhere with peace and quiet, but maybe this was a bit too much. But after settling in the first day, I realized perhaps this was exactly what I needed. I don’t even know how long it had been since I had this much peace and quiet to myself. I had to acclimate to enjoying this kind of solo company again, but then found myself so grateful for the space that I was able to have there.

Alimanguan was a wonderful start to the healing journey. Life was simple, and so pleasant there. I surfed great, uncrowded waves everyday. I setup the whole outdoor deck of the hostel as my workstation since there was nobody else there. I ate every meal at the only restaurant in town - a simple but lovely place right on the beach.

It was also here that I met Roberto and Alfonso, who would become my good friends as we continued traveling together over the next couple weeks. It was a wholesome few days with them. We ate together at the only restaurant in town, having all sorts of nice chats about life. I really appreciated the nice and chill company, where I could still take time to be on my own, but also have friends to enjoy a nice meal and sunset with.

I enjoyed surfing in an empty lineup everyday. Normally surfing is one of the only times where my mind is completely blank. But even during my first few surf sessions, I found myself not able to stop thinking about the last couple months. But by my last couple sessions, I found my mind completely blank again. And it was a beautiful way to be able to see the progress I was making in processing everything everyday.

I really loved those days in Alimanguan, and feel grateful for the much needed time and space it gave me then.

Port Barton, a simple and lovely time, combining wonderful people from different parts of the trip

After a few days in Alimanguan, I caravanned with my new friends to Port Barton, where we had all been planning to go next. Port Barton was a lovely time, but perhaps a precursor for what would end up as a bit of a difficult situation for me. In Port Barton, I also saw Alex, my roommate and one of my best friends from home again. It felt unreal and so, so wonderful to see someone from home after all this time, all the way on the other side of the world.

Port Barton was lovely with my new little crew. We had our daily routine of getting 2 for 1 daiquiris at Happy Bar on the beach at sunset, and then taking our pick of which nice little local restaurant we wanted to try for the night. I also met Emily again there, a good friend of mine from La Union. I was so, so happy to see her again, and it was lovely to spend time with her and to combine friends I’d made from different walks of this trip together. One night when we were all out together, her and Roberto got together. Eventually, this would lead to a bit of a tough time for me as we continued traveling together and I felt a little abandoned by Emily as a friend.

While Port Barton was a lovely time, the place itself was somehow not my favorite. From what I had heard, I thought I would like it: it’s a small town with a relatively local village feel. But though small and rustic, there was a lot of development and tourism in a way that didn’t mix well with the local life. Something about how the tourists and locals were physically mixed yet felt very divided, created an atmosphere that I didn’t like.

El Nido, a beautiful place with a party vibe that I honestly didn’t care for too much

El Nido is known to be a touristy spot, which I’m not usually a fan of, and so I had never planned to go there. But, my friends and I had heard about a Manu Chao concert happening there, and so the three of us, all of whom hadn’t planned to go there at all, all ended up caravanning there together. I was so excited for the concert. I absolutely love concerts, and they were one of the things I missed most from home.

The time in El Nido was honestly a bit of a struggle for me. I thought I would have a great time partying it up a little bit with my friends, but the party vibe there wasn’t my favorite and I just ended up being in more of a chill mood than I expected. I craved our chill times together back in Alimanguan and Port Barton, and perhaps I just wasn’t in the right headspace for the social environment that was El Nido.

In El Nido, my friend Roberto also brought in a girl he was having a fling with into our group. The girl was a huge flirt, as opposed to just being a cool girl to have around in the group, and it honestly made for a dynamic and vibe that I didn’t love. I just wanted to enjoy the time and company of my friends, and having her in it vying for the boys’ attention changed the group dynamic a lot. In the end, I realized the fact that I so desperately just needed peaceful friend time, and wasn’t in the mood at all to deal with vibes that didn’t suit me, meant that I wasn’t fully at mental baseline and still needed a lot of my own time to get there.

Bucana Beach, finally finding my peace again

And so after my friends left, I decided to stay on my own back there for a little while. I randomly found a place called Bucana Beach on Google Maps, about 45 minutes north of El Nido, that had nice reviews of it being a peaceful beach community set amongst local life. Sounded perfect to me. And so I headed over there and what started as just a couple night’s stay, turned into a whole week of peace just for myself.

The time in Bucana Beach was absolutely lovely and much needed. It’s a strip of beach with a few humble accommodations and restaurants right on the beach, with a very local community behind it. It’s a relatively unknown spot that doesn’t see a lot of tourists. I really loved my time there because there was simply nothing to do there. I spent my days working (my part-time remote job), taking walks on the beach, enjoying delicious solo meals, watching the sun set, and just taking the time for myself to clear my head and clear my heart.

One week of virtually complete solitude here did my soul a lot of good. I really enjoyed and appreciated so much the peace I could find here. It was a time that restored a lot of peace and balance to myself.

Siargao

April 14 - August 27, 2025