The Philippines

San Juan, La Union

February 9 - March 16, 2025

San Juan was a truly interesting time. I feel like so much happened in these 5 weeks, and all of which was so unexpected. The first of the unexpected, was even ending up in San Juan in the first place. After Taiwan, I had always planned to come to the Philippines, but I was planning to land in Siargao and make it home for a while, while I figured out my life. But instead, I ended up finding the perfect place to do this while still in Taiwan, and unexpectedly, met a guy there, while I was really trying not to meet a guy. I ended up coming to the Philippines with him, to La Union.

While I was really trying not to meet a guy at the time, because I was in fact trying to settle down to process a 4 month travel relationship that just ended, you just can’t help who you meet and when. And so when I met someone I instantly connected with just 3 days after things had ended with my last relationship, I decided to keep appreciating and enjoying the rare connection, but just as friends. But after 3 weeks of hanging out together in Taiwan with this level of unspoken something beneath it all, we ended up deciding to go to the Philippines together. I was coming anyway, he wanted to take a few weeks break from living in his small town of Taiwan, and he figured, why not the Philippines?

Deep down I think I knew it was too soon for me to try and be with someone again, yet I really liked him and really wanted to go with him. I felt like I was at this crossroads between deciding what I knew was right for me (not going with the guy and giving myself more time on my own), and doing what my heart wanted (going to the Philippines with the guy I really liked). It’s a common mistake of mine, to go with my heart wants over what my brain says is right (one day I’ll learn this lesson), and this time, it was no different. I decided to go the Philippines with the guy and just enjoy the time for what it was.

And so coming to the Philippines with someone was already unexpected. Going to La Union was unexpected, since my original plans were to head straight to Siargao. And, wouldn’t you know it, how quickly things ended with him, was unexpected.

While we had gotten to know each other in a pretty deep way as friends in Taiwan, what we didn’t know was how travel and day-to-day life would work together. And as it turned out, it didn’t work so well. He liked to wake up at 6am and do, do, do throughout his day. And I liked to take things more chill - do things, but also leave time to just be. In fact, the way he constantly filled his day and was thinking about the next thing, felt to me like he was always in search of a distraction from just sitting and being with his feelings and life. And this, to me, is completely opposite of how I like to function.

While our time together started out really nicely, over time it led to him feeling like we were too different, and eventually to him simply not liking me as much anymore. And to be honest, it was a huge ouch. It was maybe the first time I had spent a lot of time with someone where they ended up telling me that they simply just didn’t like me as much anymore. I, on the other hand, felt a connection in a specific, deep way with him, and it really hurt to hear that he felt differently.

After he left, I felt a lot of sadness. Emptiness really. Not just about us not working out, but also about some things I realized about myself. I was trying to process, while also trying to keep on going.

Enter the unexpected part four. As I was still grieving this relationship while also trying to enjoy my time as much as possible with some genuinely great people I had met, I completely, unexpectedly met another guy. Only two days later.

Enter Kevin. A small group of us from the hostel went out one night, and one of them brought his friends he had met earlier in his Philippines trip. Kevin was one of these friends. That night, I could tell he was interested, but I kept thinking I had too much stuff of my own going on and needed more time to process. But an hour of dancing later, what do you know, I decided fuck it. This guy is cute and sweet and affectionate, and so I’m just going to go with it. Even though I knew yet again, that I was going with my heart and not my head, I just wasn’t ready to learn my lesson yet.

After that night, we continued hanging out throughout the week, and it was honestly such a nice week with him. Really the best week. He’s half Filipino, half Swiss, and was staying with the Filipino side of his family in La Union. He knew I liked local experiences, and so he invited me over to join a lot of things with his family. We watched his cousin’s basketball games down the street, his family prepared a huge traditional Filipino feast for us, we died laughing while drinking San Mig Lights in the backyard with his cousins, and we partied, dancing the night away at the Tree House. It was truly a time when I got to experience local life, not only as a stranger who so kindly got invited by locals to join in, but almost as part of the family. It was really different, getting to actually know someone in the family, and it was a time that was so special to me in this Philippines trip.

Not only was time with his family special, but he was also so sweet and affectionate with me. Everything with him just felt so good and easy and natural that week. I’m a big physical touch person and almost always feel like I’m the one that initiates it more, and with Kevin, it was maybe the first time ever that I felt like someone liked it as much as me, and that I could just relax into it and not have to think about it at all. I really appreciated how I didn’t have to think about much at all that week, that everything just felt good and easy.

I wasn’t looking for a rebound, and in fact I don’t think these are good to have. But perhaps Kevin functioned as the perfect inadvertent rebound. A week later, I found myself not even thinking about the first guy anymore, despite how hurt I had felt at the time. But knowing how much I didn’t want to get hurt again when this inevitably ended, I tried not to get attached to Kevin, tried to keep myself at an emotional arm’s length. And while I think I was mostly successful, after enough time with someone that you like, it’s really hard not to catch any feelings at all, and in the end, perhaps I did get a little bit hurt again.

But it’s honestly hard to say the reason why I felt hurt in the end. While our first together was perfect, he became unexpectedly distant during the second week. And while I always knew that we were going to end, it was perhaps the way that it ended, that led me to feel hurt. I honestly couldn’t figure out if I had started catching real feelings, or if I was mostly disappointed with how the whole situation ended up changing. I think it was a mixture of both, but perhaps mostly the latter.

While there were many mixed emotions throughout this time, I look back on it with so much fondness and gratitude. So much gratitude that I was able to experience and enjoy local life with him and his family. Gratitude that I got to experience such sweetness and affection. Some sadness about how it ended. But overall, a memory in the Philippines that I’m really grateful for.

Kevin aside, life in La Union also changed so much for me after Yvan left. I moved to the dorm in the hostel we had been staying at and met so many good people there. So many interesting and different types of people, and both foreign travelers and Filipino travelers. I finally got into a good routine of working at the same coffeeshop everyday and catching sunsets, dinner, and drinks with friends afterwards. I became better and better friends with the locals and felt like I was becoming a part of the local community there. And I made a genuinely good and close friend, which is really such a difference maker when traveling.

I got comfy in my life in La Union, and honestly got a little lazy to leave. I was sad to leave the somewhat consistent life I had created there, but I knew I didn’t love it enough to stay long-term. And so I kept saying that whenever I felt ready to leave, I would. But I kept never feeling quite ready, and kept pushing it back another few days and another few days. But eventually the day came. I finally felt ready and I booked a flight for the next day to Palawan.

La Union was truly an interesting time. It was a time when so much happened. And so many different memories. I look back on it with a deep fondness and appreciation. A time when I really got to experience a lot. But also a time filled with sadness, where I grappled with a lot of tough moments, and was left with a lot of things to process. It was a time filled purely with so much. And despite all ofit, I’m more than grateful for the time and memories there.