Guatemala

Antigua

December 11 - 28

Antigua to me felt like such a nice home base for me for 3 weeks. My first week, Kathrin, Will, Sul, and Patrick felt like my first crew, when getting inducted into Antigua. I stayed at a homestay that was just fine, but wasn’t a big part of my life there. After the first week, those friends left and I had moved into my second homestay, Olga’s house. And it was here that I really felt like I settled into my groove and found a little home there. I loved Olga and her family. All were so sweet and welcoming, and really felt like staying with a family. Then there were the homestay friends there, Luke and Jasmin. I remember fondly all the times were just hung out on the terrace after Spanish school, or on a Friday afternoon, and how it really felt like being friends back in school. Many good times were shared, and it was just the start to a very exciting and what would end up being long trip.

In addition to the great friends and family there, Antigua itself was a lovely place to make a familiar little home for a while. Every street was colorful, I loved starting to know my way around, and I liked having all my regular spots - Cafe Boheme, the wine bar, Frida’s, and the Bodegana. I liked getting to see the arch everyday, whenever I wanted. And the volcanos flanking all sides never stopped amazing me. When it came time to leave after 3 weeks, I had the feeling that I could have been happy staying just a bit longer. And later on, it ended up that Antigua started feeling a bit like coming home each time I passed through it.

Lake Atitlan, Silent Meditation Retreat

December 29 - January 9

While meditation and mindfulness has always been an important part of my life and of my being, I had never thought about doing a 10 day silent meditation retreat in my life before. It was in El Salvador where I first came upon and considered the idea, and with all the circumstances lining up - me being happening to be in the right place for where a perfect sounding retreat was going to take place - I decided screw it, I’ll do it.

I came in with minimal expectations - not in that I didn’t think I wasn’t going to get anything out of it - but in that I had no idea what to expect and what I might get out of it. And it was the Bastian thing that really prompted me to do it. After taking the Bastian “rejection” harder than I thought I should, I felt like something inside me was possibly missing and I wanted to take the time to sit with myself and really explore and think about it. And turns out, feel it.

The meditation retreat was simply beautiful. It was nothing short of perfect. The theme revolved around opening up and getting closer to yourself and to your heart and to your body. And doing any mending and accepting your heart may have needed. The exercises were so beautifully planned and executed, and revolved around the theme beautifully. There are few people I truly look up to and respect as authority figures in my life, and the meditation teacher, Katrin, was one of them. She was so considerate and deliberate in her thinking, and had such a wide breadth and depth of knowledge. She was one of those people that I felt like I could connect with on a soul level. She had the kind of thinking where you know she deeply thought through everything that was said, by others and herself. She was someone I felt like I could trust on a spiritual level, and an intellectual level.

I came away from the retreat with realizations I didn’t even know I needed. It was nothing short of absolutely beautiful, and I am so, so grateful I did it. It was a perfect experience to have in a lifetime, and I oftentimes find myself wishing I could be back in that landscape, in that headspace. So connected to myself, so still, and so accepting of anything that was to come.

El Paredon, the first time

January 12 - 23

After the silent meditation retreat at the lake, followed by getting extremely sick and getting stuck at the lake for 4 more days, I made it to the beach in El Paredon. It was what was supposed to be my one week of “true vacation” before going back to volunteer at the lake, at La Iguana Perdida hostel. If I were to pick a favorite week in all my 7 months of travel, this week in El Paredon would be one of them.

My first day there, I was sitting having breakfast outside at Cafecito Del Mar when I saw a vaguely familiar face walk by. We stared at each other for a solid 5 seconds trying to place where we knew each other from, and remembered we had met once in Antigua a month prior! I had gone to dinner with Kathrin, my good friend from El Salvador, for her last night in Antigua, and on her entire trip altogether! She brought Sandra, a cool girl she had met from her hostel, and it was then that I met Sandra for the first and only time. It was such a funny coincidence seeing Sandra walk down the street. Usually you don’t run into people you had met a whole month prior, and it was just so perfect I happened to meet her only that one time, and now was seeing her again here.

It led to a perfect week because Sandra had met some friends on the shuttle, and the group of us formed my main group for the week, and a perfect group and perfect week it was. In our group there was me, Sandra, Riley who had met Sandra the week before at the lake and happened to be on the same shuttle as her, and Aaron who was staying at Green Belly.

It was the most simple yet perfect week that I had had. Every morning I had breakfast, was unsure of how I passed my day, and would end up at the beach for sunset. After sunset, I looked back at the end of the week and realized that we did something different together each night. And what a nice of mix it was.

The days would pass by with simply doing nothing. I would go to the beach and go for a swim or read a book. Or I would go to the pool to do the same. I would take a nap. And the next thing you know, it’s sunset again and the friends are meeting at the beach again. We all laughed about somehow we would do nothing and blink, and next thing you know it’s time for sunset again. Seriously, what a nice life for the week it was. Doing nothing and yet somehow passing the time so simply.

Each night we had a good mix of different things we did. The first night we got drinks from the Super 24 and went back to the beach to drink. Then we went to a bonfire with the Green Belly crew. Then there was trivia night at Mellow. Then there was the night we did shrooms on the beach. Then we had a nice chill dinner having shrimp tacos at Delicias Del Mar with the Swiss friends I also made. Then there was the night I had dinner with Sandra at Chef in Flip Flops. And then there was the Mellow party. Such a nice mix of chilling, and also social and fun.

I can’t forget another important part of this week was meeting Luis Diego, a local Guatemalan who Sandra had met in the shuttle to El Paredon. He was also a part of our group for the first part of the week, but had to go home after a few days. And he was the cousin of Marco, and how I actually met Marco who I ended up having a messy and deep thing with later on. He was another connection to Green Belly. On the first night at sunset he invited Marco to come watch the sunset with us, and Marco was the manager of Green Belly. It was then that we met for the first time.

Finally after all kept extending and extending our stays by one more day, and one more day, time finally came to leave. I had had a few great surf sessions which led to me reinjuring my rib, and I had to go to Antigua to see the doctor before making it to the lake to begin my volunteering. We left one by one. First Aaron, then me the next day, then Sandra and Riley the next day. It was such a bittersweet goodbye, because it was really marked by such a good week with such nice company. Sandra is a friend I still talk to to this day (written in June now). And Riley and Luis Diego I saw when I went back to visit Antigua in May. And just what nice connections these were.

Lake Atitlan, La Iguana

January 24 - February 11

Home for a bit. After my one week of “vacation” at El Paredon, I left to head back to the lake to volunteer at a hostel called La Iguana Perdida in the town of Santa Cruz. I left El Paredon reluctantly, where everyday I’d talk about how I didn’t want to leave, but also felt optimistic about working back at the lake, at a hostel so many people I had met loved.

However after maybe just 1 or 2 days, I could immediately tell that the place wasn’t quite for me. I liked it. But I wanted to love it, and I tried to love it. But something about it just didn’t quick click with my heart. It was early though, and I told myself that maybe I just needed time to settle in.

It’s hard to describe how I felt about the lake. I made a friend there a week or two in, Cody (who I’d end up meeting again in Peru), and the way I described it to him was that I liked the lake, but I didn’t love the lake. It was absolutely beautiful but there was just something about it that I didn’t connect to it deeply. It’s funny because he said he could see that and kind of felt the same way even having just been there for a day or two.

My first week of volunteering honestly just felt like everyday I was trying to make it work. I liked it enough, and it was a fun and easy job (not in a chill way though - it was actually a lot of work!), but I didn’t feel a total sense of belonging and couldn’t help but feel like it wasn’t quite my place nor my people. It really made me realize how big a difference the people you’re surrounded by make. The other volunteers were plenty nice and chill, but somehow just not my people. I was coming from a place of inner peace and wanting to maintain that after my silent meditation retreat, and I felt like I was surrounded by young Brits who all they wanted to do was party and smoke and drink. It wasn’t my vibe, especially at that time.

After a week though, a few things changed that made me start liking the place so much better. One of the volunteers left who was super nice, but she was a veteran volunteer and I felt like the whole existing volunteer crew was kind of centered around her. So when she left, it felt like it broke up the volunteer crew a bit and let everybody hang out with everybody more. And, I started becoming friends with Ellie and Jandro, who would end up being my good friends and my saving graces of that place.

Still, after about 1.5 weeks, I could tell that it wasn’t going to be my happy place there, and I felt like I had given it enough of a shot to be really sure of this. I also felt like this travel time was so precious, and it wasn’t worth wasting any time in a place or situation that was less than ideal for me. And so though I had made a 6 week commitment to it, I talked to my managers that I wanted to be able to give my best in any place that I was at, and that I felt like the place wasn’t conducive to me giving my best for a full 6 weeks. That I felt like I could do it for another week or two, but then for the sake of my own happiness and for the sake of the hostel getting people that were fully committed and happy to work there, that I wanted to leave after 3 weeks. It was a tough conversation to have, but they appreciated my honesty, and in the end, we left with nothing but love and respect for each other.

The next couple weeks were fun. I grew closer with Ellie and Jandro and really established them as my closest people there. We had some fun parties at the hostel. And there were even moments where I questioned my decision to leave early. But as it grew closer, I could tell that I made the right decision for myself.

There were low moments at La Iguana too. Moments where I felt like I wasn’t sure what I was doing anymore, and that I wasn’t sure if I was happy traveling the way I was anymore. Sylvie came as my savior in one of these moments. She wrote me a card back in San Diego and Alex had prepared a few things for a friend to bring to me at the lake, and in it he included Sylvie’s card. Sylvie had come to stay in San Diego for the month of November amidst her traveling and nomadding, and she wrote about the unexpected happiness and lightness she found in San Diego amidst a hard year. She described the ocean and Law Street bluff and meditating and quietness and stillness and the fun we had. And how it all made her feel light. And how she hoped that my travels were also giving me a sense of lightness.

And I almost cried at reading it. I realized how I was feeling the opposite of that lightness working at La Iguana. That I almost had a sense of heaviness each day, and how much this shouldn’t be what I’m feeling during what was a once in a lifetime experience of travels and living abroad. It pointed me more and more in the direction that I should be leaving. That I should be finding what it is that gives me that joy and contentness and lightness.

Throughout this process of deciding that La Iguana wasn’t right for me, I kept feeling called to return back to El Paredon, a place that I loved and didn’t feel ready to leave in the first place. And so I texted Marco, the manager of Green Belly who I had made friends with the last time I was there, and we were able to work out a volunteering gig that would work for me to go back there. I was so excited to return to El Paredon, and to Green Belly - both a town and hostel I knew and loved.

Lake Atitlan, San Pedro Spanish School

February 12 - 16

After finishing volunteering at the lake, I still had a free week before my volunteering began at Green Belly, so I decided to do a week of Spanish school in San Pedro at the lake. I don’t think I had quite realized just how exhausted I was in every way possible from working at La Iguana, until I got to San Pedro. I decided to “splurge” on an Airbnb for myself for the week to have some space to myself to rest. It was an amazing Airbnb for only $15/night and had two(!) queen beds, a TV, bathroom, and kitchenette, all with lake views right across from Sababa. It was during this week that I realized how exhausted I was. I was going to bed every night at 9pm and so happy to just be watching TV by myself in bed for a couple hours. I spoke to close to no one outside of Spanish school and related activities. And I was so happy to have it just that way.

I made friends with Lucas this week. A Swiss guy who was living in Canada and doing some working remotely and some traveling. He was great, and we got along great. His Spanish was a similar level but better than mine, and we spoke only in Spanish to each other for the entire week. On my last day, we the the sunrise Indian Nose hike together. But the night before that, he was very keen to go out despite having to wake up at 3:30am for the hike. He convinced me to at least go out for a bit, and we explored some beers and a “festival”. It was apparent to me how exhausted I still was then though, that I could barely muster up the energy to go out on my last night at the lake, and had to do it reluctantly.

We slept maybe 4 hours before the hike, and I was completely dead for it. After this, I decided it wasn’t worth it to do such early excursions where I only got a few hours of sleep, since it made me feel more or less a zombie during it and not be able to fully enjoy it anyway. I got back at 8am and took a nap until 11am. I hugged Lucas goodbye and off I went for my shuttle back to El Paredon!

Oh also, how could I forget. After my nap, before the 2pm shuttle, I also went and got a haircut. My hair was getting dry and icky and I figured I should get the ends chopped off and more healthy, before I was going to brace 100 degree humid El Paredon for a month. It turned out to be a terrible decision because I kid you not, it was the worst haircut I ever got in my life, by far. It was so bad I almost wanted to cry. I called Kayla and was just pure upset, with no words to say. This haircut made me feel ugly, for lack of a better word, for so long afterwards, and I was so sad every time I looked in the mirror at my hair for months.

El Paredon, back again

February 17 - April 10

Alas I’m finally bringing myself to write about my El Paredon experience. It was honestly such an incredible and almost indescribable time of my life, that I’ve been struggling to have myself sit down and write about it, worried that I won’t be able to do it justice. But here I go.

El Paredon. It was a place that when I left the first time, I hadn’t felt ready to go. The simplicity of life there and how small the town was, there was just something about it that made me not (and maybe never) feel ready to leave. My time in El Paredon was somewhat split by two separate halves of an experience.

My first couple weeks there, were characterized by two things different than my last month there. First was the job itself. I spent my first 2-3 weeks working as a general volunteer - raking leaves, making beds, keeping the property generally clean and tidy, as well as many miscellaneous jobs like varnishing wood throughout, painting signs, filling bags with dirt, moving bricks, moving pallets, really a lot of heavy lifting. I found the work somewhat mindless, but also was happy to have the experience of doing physical labor, a job I hadn’t really done in my life before and probably wouldn’t experience, at least to this extent, again.

Second, were the people. I feel as though while the group of volunteers was nice enough during these first couple weeks, that they weren’t exactly “my type of people”. Not people that I truly connected with or could see being really good friends with. These first couple weeks, I was still riding the high of my silent meditation retreat and also seeking the calm that I couldn’t find at La Iguana, and I really focused on going to bed early, doing yoga and meditating in the mornings, and maintaining my peace and calm in this environment that I loved so much.

The exception to the people, was Antje. Antje was a German girl who volunteered for only two weeks at Green Belly, but someone I loved while there. I felt like with her, I had an actual friend there - we got along so well, could talk about life and experiences and relationships in the same way, and laughed our asses off at the same things. Sharing a sense of humor and getting along so easily, really is such a blessing of human experience. When Antje left, I remember I really missed her, and that it felt like my only real friend that I really liked, was gone from there. No one to share funny things with or burst out laughing with over the same things.

And during these first two weeks when I was getting along with everyone, but hadn’t really found my people to make true friends with (except Antje but that came a bit later), my friends Ellie and Jandro from La Iguana came to visit, and that was so so so nice. It felt so nice to have actual friends come to visit, people you get along with so easily and well :). I remember feeling that at least these nice friendships that were still following me to El Paredon, had come out of La Iguana.

After these first few weeks, Marco told me the receptionists were leaving and asked if I wanted to stay longer and work reception. I really debated this, and in the end, I felt like it was a place I could be happy staying in for a while, and decided to get my visa extended and stay for another few weeks. This marks the second half of my time here, the time of my life and of my travels that feels so indescribably good.

In this second part, I found such amazing friends, thoroughly enjoyed the work (for a period of time), and lived what felt like a true adult summercamp life. A life where you lived and worked with your best friends. When you shared times of coexisting together in peace, and times of the wildest stories and greatest laughs. A time when everyone’s small town drama unfolded in front of you, and there was always something to be talking about, with a friend you really enjoyed talking about things with. I recalled so many moments where I would just look around, try to pause and snapshot the moment in my memory, knowing that these would be moments that I would treasure probably forever. Just the good friends, the simple times, the smiles and laughs, the peace and love.

In these times,